When it comes to the dissolution of marriage, the subject is most often discussed from the standpoint of how it affects the women involved. In fact, there has been very little discussion of the effects marital breakdown can have on the husbands. There are, of course, a number of very good reasons that help to explain why there has, until recently, been almost no public examination of the male perspective on divorce.
Most men learned at an early age that men are expected to keep their feelings inside. Society has ways of making men feel inferior when they discuss emotional issues, so most avoid any serious discussions of that nature with their other male friends. That leads to them internalizing their sadness. Because of male silence on the matter, society has falsely come to believe that divorces impact men far less than they impact women. It's not at all true.
For one thing, any marriage dissolution can leave the man feeling like a failure. The fact is that men, for better or worse, are often judged for what they do rather than who they are. When they fail at anything, they tend to internalize that failure and it can diminish their sense of self-worth. And let's face it: for most people, divorce represents the ultimate failure.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
The father-child relationship can make that loss of identity even more pronounced. Mothers often end up with the lion's share of time spent with the kids, which can make it difficult for fathers to maintain their attachments with the children. That often leads to feelings of grief over the loss of paternal familiarity, and a growing level of anger.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
For many years, society has focused on how divorces impact women, and paid little attention to men. The struggles of those men to rebuild their lives in the wake of marital catastrophe will continue until society at last recognizes the grief men experience and finally affords them the understanding they deserve.
Most men learned at an early age that men are expected to keep their feelings inside. Society has ways of making men feel inferior when they discuss emotional issues, so most avoid any serious discussions of that nature with their other male friends. That leads to them internalizing their sadness. Because of male silence on the matter, society has falsely come to believe that divorces impact men far less than they impact women. It's not at all true.
For one thing, any marriage dissolution can leave the man feeling like a failure. The fact is that men, for better or worse, are often judged for what they do rather than who they are. When they fail at anything, they tend to internalize that failure and it can diminish their sense of self-worth. And let's face it: for most people, divorce represents the ultimate failure.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
The father-child relationship can make that loss of identity even more pronounced. Mothers often end up with the lion's share of time spent with the kids, which can make it difficult for fathers to maintain their attachments with the children. That often leads to feelings of grief over the loss of paternal familiarity, and a growing level of anger.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
All of these factors can cause many men to suffer various levels of depression. That can, in turn, lead to men isolating themselves from loved ones and friends. It can even result in physical ailments like high blood pressure, tension headaches, and other medical issues. Without an outlet for their emotional trauma, men are often left to struggle alone.
For many years, society has focused on how divorces impact women, and paid little attention to men. The struggles of those men to rebuild their lives in the wake of marital catastrophe will continue until society at last recognizes the grief men experience and finally affords them the understanding they deserve.
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