All About A Rabbi Funeral

By Patrick Richardson


Death is a stark reality. When one loses a loved one, friend or colleague, it is hard to believe that they are really gone until the last respects have been paid. The Jewish rites are a bit different from others but the procedure of a rabbi funeral must be followed. The first thing is to dress appropriately. Ladies are encouraged to wear dresses while men should wear a coat and white shirt. This is a sign of respect for the deceased and consideration for the bereaved family.

Some people usually attend the first session but then skip the whole graveside thing. This is fine as that is considered a private affair. However, if one is planning on attending the graveside session they should be in comfortable shoes. This is a directive especially for the ladies. Small talk is absolutely discouraged. If one does speak, they should do so in low hushed tones.

Early arrival is only respectful. It is a sign that attendance was not an afterthought. It shows that one cares enough to plan their travel ahead of time. Walking into the ceremony late, disturbing the peace is in bad form. It shows lack of decorum.

Do not under any circumstances attempt to socialize before the ceremony. Do not speak unless spoken to. Low key is the only key to being a Jewish burial. Wait until the end of the ceremony to offer condolences. At times there will not be a chance to do that. In that case, that is why there is a condolence book. So that the family can know they had support.

Jewish ceremonies usually have directors who inform guests of the sitting arrangement among other issues. One should try as hard as possible to keep an ear open for such instructions. It will save one the embarrassment and make the day go without a mishap.

Usually the Jewish people plan their burials about three days after the death. This is for a practical reason as they do not believe in embalming. This leaves very little notice for people who are otherwise engaged but would love to pay their respects. In that case, the family will have a seven stay at home after the ceremony during which people can come over and give their condolences. One should find out if there is any kind of support needed for the Shiva. Even the smallest thing like serving guests is appreciated.

The Jewish faith is not for flowers in the event of death. It is seen as making a dark reality beautiful. Instead, most families will provide the name of a charity through which people can send their donations in honor of the deceased. Most charities will send a card to the family letting them know that a donation was made in their name. This token is called tzedakah.

As it is with all burials, one must be courteous. Help the old. Comfort anyone who is overcome by grief if they are close. Do not stare. Feel the pain and grieve but do not be obnoxious about it. Do not point out seemingly odd rituals. It could be fulfillment of a final wish.




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